I had a mini-breakdown at my mom's house over my brother. I've posted before about how we're not talking. I've tried to make peace. I don't even know what the problem is. I hear things ranging from dating a black man, traveling to meet people from online (before E), dating so soon after Joe died, etc. But honestly they are excuses. This past Christmas, last minute my brother decided to give me a gift. I gave him his. He managed to say thank you, but other than that, that's the only decent thing he's said to me in probably a year. In that year, we've probably had 5 minutes worth of conversation. I read about how some people have these estranged relatives, parents or siblings, who they have completely written out of their lives. I never understood that, because my family is pretty close. But now I guess I have gotten a taste of it. It kills me, because I don't like to have tension with anyone, especially family. Anyway, I have been hurt and frustrated by that, and I feel angry at my mom and sister and others for not backing me up. I know that's probably a little selfish and immature, but that's how I feel. I resent all the good things he has going on, all the crap they let him get away with, and finally the dam burst. I just started crying. I don't cry in front of people either, so that really took a lot.
My floors were finally finished. I am happy, but they've already been "christened" by the spoiled, untrained, rotten dog. Too bad the nice new floors make the rest of the house look even shabbier. That's OK, one step at a time.
My kitchen
Spare bedroom
6 comments:
The floors look nice. I hope tomorrow is a drier day for you!
How can you expect your mother or anyone else to back you up when you so selfishly decided to "take up" with some random negro? Do yu know the amount of shame they must all feel? And where is your self-respect? It's not only your life that will be affected by your decision, but also your families. Even if you abandon this now, they will never get over it. Your mother is probably just too nice to really express how you've made her feel and the impact this has had on them. Im sure they are sick to their stomachs. Your self-esteem is obviously VERY low. My God, I bet your husband is rolling over in his grave. Sari, think about what you are doing. Please. You are hurting everyone. Most especially yourself.
Dear Anonymous Racist - First of all, at least have some balls and sign your name. That's how the big kids play. Second of all, E is not some random negro. He is a highly educated, cultured, well-travelled, well-spoken, intelligent, wonderful person. Oh yeah, and he's black. Get over it. If my family has a problem with it (and I'm sure some of them do), they can keep their opinions to themselves, and still treat me and him with respect. Third, you obviously don't know that my husband was not white. Yes, that's right, I have a history of seeing beyond race. I'm beyond hope. Go to hell.
Ah, Mrs. Alabama is on a roll again. How dare you write the words "random negro". What a shame you must bring to your family by thinking these things and even expressing them out loud (yet still hiding of course). You even bring shame to your own country, your own president.
I thought we live in the 21st century and could leave racism like this behind us. What a pain in the ass you are Mrs. Alabama.
Have you ever reached beyond your state lines?
How sad.
Sara is a great friend of mine, a super sweet woman with a big heart. I'd kick you if I could for hurting her.
Tanja
Thank you Tanja! Thank God we don't all think like Ms Alabama!
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