I had an emotional talk with my friend last night. She always asks about the status of E, and she gives really great advice about how I'm worth more, he's no good, etc. Last night I mentioned how it's hard to find the type of guy I'm interested in, in my area. She asked me what I found both attractive and unattractive about Joe. Then we talked about the anger, depression, and stress in our marriage, and how it's probably affecting me now and my ability to let go of E. She's such an insightful person, really. Anyway, I cried on the phone a little last night but thought the tears were over.
Here I am at work, crying again.
My wedding anniversary is this Saturday. I should be celebrating 6 years of marriage with Joe. Instead, I'm reminded he died about a month before our 5th anniversary. How unfair, that we didn't even get to 5 years (I know there are a lot who don't even get that.)
When I think of Joe lately, my mind flashes to a certain picture of him. It's a great picture, he's in a restaurant with my family, and he has the biggest grin on his face. But I can't seem to remember him outside of that picture right now. It's like I can't recall any "action scenes," just that picture. Is this normal?
Every time I get close to feeling like I'll be ok with breaking up with E, it dredges up these feelings of alone-ness, a wasted life, no future.
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5 comments:
Sending you big hugs Sara. Special days like that are hard, and no, it's not fair.
Tanja
It sounds like you may have gone into numb mode again. I am so sorry you are having a sad day and wish I could take your pain away, and I am sending big hugs your way.
Heather
Actually Sara, my wedding anniversary is on Saturday too, if that is the 13th of September.
I'm not in my first year like you, but I've been in a bit of a crying mode too.
Big hugs,
Tanja
I just found your comment on my blog and tried to call you. I'm always late going to bed at night, so you never have to worry about that.
I couldn't get through so I hope it means you were finally asleep.
so sorry you were having a hard time. special dates aer especially tough. for what would've been our 14hth anni in june (13th), i put together a last minute bago. maybe you should do that or go out w/some girlfriends. it helped me so much. many hugs to you, sara!
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