I'm going to be very selfish in this post, I admit that freely.
Another of my friends is pregnant. I should be happy for her. I guess I AM happy for her, but my own longing overshadows the happiness right now. She and her husband are great people. She had an ectopic pregnancy a few months ago resulting in the removal of one of her ovaries or fallopian tubes (not sure which), and I guess she has been worried she wouldn't be able to get pregnant.
This makes 3 friends that are due in the next 6 months, plus 1 that just had her baby, and these are people in real life, not online. Online is much easier to deal with.
The past several years, I have seen coworker after coworker, friend after friend get pregnant. I watched them have their first and second babies, all while Joe and I (mainly I) desperately wanted to get pregnant. At one point we were thinking about adopting a friend's baby, but she ended up having an abortion. I have been invited to so many baby showers over the years, but eventually I had to stop going. Now I only go if the person is very special to me. Otherwise, it's just not worth the pain.
Maybe it should be easier now that Joe is dead, like DUH, what do I expect, a miracle? But it's not easier. It reminds me of what I don't already have, and what I probably won't have for at least several years, if ever.
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1 comment:
sara, i am sorry :( i can relate, though not through pregnancy. two of my best friends got engaged about a month ago. while i was estatic about it for them, it stung a little. and i have faith you will get there, hon!
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