The old me is gone, but what is the new me?

A post on the widow board sparked this thought process. In it, the widow remarked how a coworker wanted the old her back.

The fact is, the old me is gone. It died with Joe, and that's OK. I think we lose the old us with every significant life change. For example, the old me died when I got married.

Let me think about the old me. I was tired, depressed, wanted things but wasn't working for them. I was stressed, angry, and losing my patience with those closest to me. I was also more secure in my place as a wife, and of course did not need to impress or attract men. I could talk to any man without much shyness because I didn't care if they were attracted to me or not.

The new me is slightly improved, I think. While I do worry about my future and whether I'll find lasting love and create my own family, I also see hope and excitement. I don't think I am depressed right now, or at least not as much as I was. I am slowly working toward what I want. I am making progress in my house (painfully slow as it is) and taking classes at school. I am not as stressed, not as angry, and am regaining my patience that I'm known for. However, I am back to being shy and self-conscious around men, since now every man I meet is a potential, until I find out more about them (married or not, etc.) I no longer have the status of being a wife. I'm back to being a single woman, which feels like a few rungs lower on the social ladder.

Of course the new me is constantly changing and evolving. What I feel today may or may not be different next week. I hope it only gets better.