I just need to unload a little bit.
Physically, I'm exhausted. I'm not sleeping long enough. I don't know why I can't make myself go to bed before 1:00am. I have be up by 7:00, and I need at least 8 hours of sleep to feel GOOD. Why am I doing this to myself? I haven't been back to the gym since Friday, but when I was, I noticed I felt like I was getting weaker, and not lasting as long. I have this heavy feeling in my chest, I feel swollen (maybe PMS?), my body FEELS HEAVY. I'm heavy anyway, but it just feels like I'm twice my normal size. Doesn't help that I'm wearing too-tight pants today because that's all that was clean. My head hurts, my skin is breaking out (I never get blemishes), my eating is out of control again, I'm constantly on the go with work and school and the animals and taking care of my house and everything...
Emotionally, I feel drained. I feel like I'm going to start crying at the drop of a hat. Posts on the board either piss me off terribly, or make me really sad. The Air France plane crash and now David Carradine's death are affecting me more than normal. You know normally, you think oh that's sad, but you move on. I'm having trouble stopping thinking about it, and I feel very "dooms day" about things, if that makes sense. I have this feeling something is terribly wrong with me, or is going to be, or E's going to die. Next month is 2 years since Joe died, so I'm not sure if that's the problem or not. I just feel very low.
I feel like I need to sleep for about a week.
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5 comments:
Please think about going to see a doctor. Those symptoms could be a lot of things, and you'll probbaly feel better once you get checked out.
Thanks GR. I made an appt with my primary doctor for next Friday. I know she's going to be on me for my weight again. Sigh...
I am glad you made the appointment. Like GR said, it could be a lot of things and I hope that you are okay.
((HUGS))
First thing that comes to my mind: she's pregnant. But that would almost be too good.
Second: you have to slow down and breathe. You are asking too much of yourself, pushing yourself, want to be perfect and do it all: have the house nice and clean, be the perfect girl friend, go to the gym faithfully, plant tomatoes, be on top of the news, etc etc.
You should do some relaxation techniques and take a step back.
The more you think about your weight, the more of a problem it gets, and the more you are going to eat to snack that feeling away.
And I'll tell you a 'secret', last time I went to see the doctor, I refused to step on the scale. I just could not bring myself to see the figures that would come up.
You are just brave :-)
Tanja
LOL Tanja, yeah that would be too perfect. I keep hoping...but unfortunately not. Took a test this morning. Oh well, I shouldn't exactly be surprised.
Funny how after spending this weekend with E I felt so much better, so much more relaxed. We just hung out, watched movies and ate good food, did some yard work, but most of all just laughed and enjoyed one another. Of course this morning as I'm thinking about all I need to do, the test I failed and need to re-take, all my homework I'm behind on, etc. etc that heavy feeling creeps back in my chest. I think you're right - I need to learn to relax and stop the stressing and attempted perfection (such a joke if you'd see my house right now LOL)
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