I was talking to my friend today and she was telling me about how her aunt was given 6 months to live. I believe it is breast cancer, now metasticized (sp?). Her aunt has a lot of medical problems, diabetes, etc. and is mentally handicapped. My friend was explaining that although it will be very sad, it will also be a bit of a relief, which I can understand.
My friend then said that if it had to be someone, better to be this aunt than the others who are married and/or have children.
Wow. While I can understand (sort of) what she was saying, that really struck me. Thinking about Joe's many medical problems, and how we didn't have children. And then, where does that leave me? I am now not married and have no children. Am I a better candidate for death than someone who has those things? Because I only have my family (and my fiance I guess) that would miss me, but no husband or children to be devastated, would my death be more "OK"?
Like, because there will be no one to cry and mourn and carry on, it's better that way. Better than to have the extra complications of spouse and kids. Logically I get that. I wouldn't want more people to suffer rather than fewer, but it just makes me look at myself I guess. Sure my family will miss me, but they'll move on, so the only ones that will be ultimately "inconvenienced" will be the furry ones.
That's not to downplay anyone who might grieve me. The above probably sounded cold. I'm just in a mood I guess.
I think this just makes me feel more alone. Like I project the aunt might feel (if she were more aware of her situation, which I pray she isn't). Like, just sniffle a little in your handkerchiefs and toss me in the ground. No messy "survivors" to deal with. Over and done with.
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4 comments:
Oh my gosh Sara, can you please not think about these things? Any idea how much we love you? This just makes me sad!
Tanja
Thanks Tanja.
Sari, I am (like you) engaged and I have no children.
I know people would miss me, and some would even grieve for me, however, I also know it wouldn't be as 'tragic' to some people because I don't have children or a husband.
Guess I am in that mood with you.
Even while I know this is true, and logically like you understand the basis for it, it doesn't really bother me. It is the way of the world. I know people love me and care about me--but it is only the those that are truly emotionally intimate and connected with an individual who lose their world when they lose someone.
Karen
I think that people tend to be insensitive without meaning to. I've had good friends and close relatives say things to me they would not otherwise have said, had they just taken a moment to think about it first. People want us to be "all better" and quickly forget that we are often still reeling in some capacity, be it ten days or ten years later. Hope the mood has passed...
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