Ouch

E just essentially told me that he has/had a goal to get married or something by the end of the year. He asked me again what I was going to do about the dogs - I said nothing, was he planning to change his mind? He said he just can't, it's something that just can't happen. He said he doesn't know how much time I have, but he doesn't have so much time (I guess alluding to how we're just sort of drifting with no definite plans in sight because of the dogs issue.) I'm leaving out a whole bunch of the story but that's the jist of it. So I told him I guess I was just convenient timing for him ("no, that's not it") and good luck with finding someone to marry by the end of the year. He said thanks. Ouch.

Fuck him. I want to be angry but I feel numb right now.

You know, the fact is, I was starting to feel a little stressed with everything I've got going on - school, work, home, etc. - and I was wanting to do a bunch of different things but couldn't because that would take away time with him. I guess that solves it now. I'm still upset though. Of course he could call me later and say something (not even he's sorry, that's how easily I forgive) and I'd be fine again. I just feel more complete when I know there's someone thinking of me, loving me, making plans in their head involving me, you know what I'm saying?

It sucks being alone, and I find that most people who say, "it's better to be alone than ____" are in relationships themselves. Easy to say, harder to do.