It's been 2 days and I haven't heard anything from E yet. I guess I was/am expecting to. I get very emotional when I think of him talking to other women, using those charming lines and being romantic like he did with me. I feel so...exposed? Like everyone's seen me naked or something. Weird. I can't really explain it. I think about what I would say if he did call. I guess this is why he's kept his POF profile the entire time. I was a back-up plan. I don't like being Plan B. My way to cope is to start looking on POF again. I even started making a new profile but stopped myself. I know I need to step back, process all this, and honestly I don't want to go through the whole internet dating thing again. That probably means I'll be lonely for a very long time, which is not a pleasant thought.
Of course all this crap makes me think about Joe more, and how things could be different right now (worse or better, who knows) and brings me back into the "I am worthless, I have accomplished nothing, I will never have a family, blah blah blah." I know that probably means I need to work on myself or something like that, but I don't want to be alone! I am not happy alone. It sucks.
I feel like I don't really fit in with anyone local (one reason I had turned to internet dating.) I love my family and friends but we really don't have much in common. I feel like such a freak, such an outsider. When E and I have been off-and-on the idea that kept me going is imagining going out of state to a university with the types of people I'm interested in getting to know (most people around here I don't have anything in common with them) but reality has come back hard and I think of prices for out-of-state tuition and realize that's not likely to happen unless I get a scholarship, which is unlikely also.
I am so frustrated right now.
**By the way, I haven't done very well lately at checking other people's blogs - I'm sorry for that. I'm in kind of a selfish mode right now, but I'll read your posts soon. Thanks for understanding.**
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2 comments:
I'm very sad to know that you have not been checking my blog. I do expect you to check every day Miss Sara!
How disappointing that E did not contact you. Nothing at all. How painful. The "I love you" must not have meant so much, the love must only have been skindeep or so. Yuck.
I promise you you will get over it, and find a much better friend. Really, really. But take your time, don't immediately start dating on the rebound. Although? Oh gosh, what do I know about it, like my dating is going well :-)
When you're ready try: www.InterracialMatch.com
Tanja
i'm so sorry to find you so down, sara :(. and like tanja said... you will get over it and you will find that man that will make you feel amazing...inside and out, as it should be. i know it's hard to see now and hard to deal with now, but it WILL happen.........maybe, lol, you need to move to tampa :D
and we all need our "selfish" times, girl. so no need to apologize..... i know where to find ya, lmao
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