We met on POF. After we became exclusive, I changed my profile to say "not single, not looking" and deleted my picture and all my personal info. A month or 2 ago, I hid my profile. So I had done everything except deleting my account, which I couldn't figure out how to do yet.
He's kept his the same, and I see he logs on maybe once a week or so. Last night I asked him, what do you think about us deleting our POF accounts? He said things like he doesn't talk to anyone on there, he mainly logs in to see if I've been there, it's not his style to cheat on someone, he wouldn't have time anyway, etc etc. Oh and that he hasn't asked me to take down my MySpace account. I told him it's not a dating site and anyway I have on my account that I'm not single. I told him that I have seen with a past relationship when someone kept their dating profile and kept logging on and later I found out they were talking with other women while seeing me, and how it was hurtful. He said you just have to trust, and that if he was chasing me around all over the internet stressing about it he would be very unhappy. I told him the more I think about it, the more it bothers me.
Then I did the possibly immature thing of putting my profile back up.
This is just frustrating. I really like to give people the benefit of doubt and not judge too hastily, but I'm thinking this may be yet another example of Sari excusing a man's bad behavior. I have a history of doing that. Things like this just make me doubt his sincerity.
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Just my two cents. I was much of a dater but I've been married twice now and the same thing held true with my late husband and my current one - once we were serious, they were considerate of my feelings whether those feelings were based on insecurities or not. So if I had asked them to close down their dating site accounts (didn't meet either one that way) they would have.
Perhaps this is a sign that it is too soon to have the "exclusive" talk or label. Perhaps not. From what I know of dating sites, men or women whose profiles are up and active are an indication that they are still keeping their eyes open - whether they not it or not (sometimes people believe they aren't looking and they really are).
Just express your feelings and say what you need to say and have discussions about issues when they come up. And if you can't live with something - say so.
By the way, thanks for comments today. Feel free to quote or link anytime.
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