Betrayed

I can't stop crying.

I did something else stupid and crazy. I got my friend to make a profile and email E. He says he likes walks on the beach on his profile, so hers says she likes swimming and this is what she wrote to him:

hello, i see you like the beach? do you like swimming as well as walking there? lol

and E writes back to her:

Yes, I do like the beach, and taking a walk there with you would be wonderful. I also have a pool at my house, so when do we start getting into that water? :-)

I liked you instantly when I saw your profile. Any chance you might want to get a bite with me this weekend at Buca di Beppo, by Southside and Phillips? It's the best Italian restaurant chain I've seen anywhere.

Since you like to cook, and I enjoy cooking a few ethnic dishes myself (--I'm curious about food from various cultures), we might cook something together some day before a little splash in the pool. How does that sound?

I can't wait to see you and look into that beautiful smiling face of yours!

This is similar to what he wrote me in the beginning. I think I'm going to throw up.

I feel so stupid and used. We just slept together this afternoon! We cooked dinner last night several other weekends previous, and we've laughed about our botched attempts, and praised each other when it turned out well. When we were together, it just felt so comfortable, so right, so close...how can he tell me he loves me and he wants to get married and have babies and then do this? How can he lie to me like that? I had told him that I had dinner plans this Saturday (widow meet-up) so I'm sure that's why he picked this weekend to offer to meet her. He told her likes cooking various ethnic dishes (something WE do together) and wants to take her to a specific Italian restaurant here - where he took ME.

I don't understand it. How can you have such a bond with a person then turn around and lie your ass off? How can you proclaim they are the ONE when you're trying to date other people? How many times did he tell me he wasn't talking to anyone on there, that cheating wasn't "his style"?!??!!

God I feel so used. I shouldn't be surprised. What did I expect to happen when I had her email him. I feel so betrayed. Like the past 4 months have been such a complete and utter LIE!

I blew off family stuff for him! Because he was going to be fucking lonely! I was considering letting a relative take 1 of my dogs so there would only be 2, because that's what he wanted.

He told me this past week he had a dream of me shopping for baby things and didn't I want to do that? And then he purposely took me by the baby aisles at Wal-mart to make me look at stuff, even though he knows how badly I've wanted kids and how it hurts.

You know what I think one of the worst parts of this is? He made me feel so beautiful and special...I felt so sexy and WANTED with him. Now I know that's a lie. I was nothing special. If I was so beautiful he wouldn't be cheating or emailing. I was a piece of ass. And a cheap one too. I always felt bad about him paying for things, so I'd try my hardest and sneak one in there once in a while.

I SEWED A FUCKING BUTTON ON HIS PANTS FOR HIM!!!!!!!!