Working on "Me"

I don't know what I'm going to do about my relationships with others, but I know I need to do something about me. I've been neglecting myself. I have not accomplished anything in my house since Joe died - actually it's become even messier because I don't "have" to pick up things to help him out, or make room for his medical stuff, or whatever. I'm not doing nearly enough fun stuff. I'm still afraid and anxious to go places by myself. I've been spending so much time with E, I haven't been to Mass in like 2 months! That is NOT good, and there is no excuse. So, here's my plan...

1) Start by going back to Mass, every week, no matter where I am or who is in town. This is my obligation and I feel better afterwards. I need to do this for God and for me.

2) Do some work in my house every evening. It doesn't have to be a lot, but I should at least make a little effort. Hopefully this will get the mess under control soon.

3) Start making my house a HOME. Right now it's ugly and depressing. I love bright, vibrant colors and I am itching to do some painting. I have some great ideas for my bedroom, so I need to start working on that. I have to stare at those 4 walls for an average of 8 hours a day, I may as well like what I'm looking at.

4) Pamper myself a little more. Not necessarily spend money (I'm doing plenty of that unfortunately) but take the extra 5 minutes and actually USE that philosophy face moisturizer and the special organic body scrub. I buy things with good intentions then don't follow through. I used to get a pedicure every 2 weeks and that made me feel so pretty. I want to get back to doing that.

5) Make more of an effort to connect with old friends and new. I am horrible about making regular phone calls and sending birthday cards, so I need to put them on my calendar and do it as much as possible. I've also joined a few "Meet Up" groups in my city. Right now I've got a French language group, a women's social group, and some others. I should actually go to the meetings. Damn this social anxiety! But I guess the only way to get over it is to take it one step at a time.

6) Work on physical health. I have a gym membership, paid up for a year. I need to use it. I need to change my eating habits, they are horrible. Even a little change would be helpful at this point.

7) Keep blogging. I've been really surprised how therapeutic this has been, having all my thoughts together. I can't tell you how many times I bought a beautiful journal with the intention of writing every day, but most times I never even cracked it. Typing is so much easier and faster for me. By the way, thank you to everyone who reads my blogs and especially to those who comment. It really helps me a lot.

Umm...I guess this is it. 7 steps is good for now.