I just want someone on my side.

I love my brother. Deep (waaaay deep) down inside, he's a nice person. Unfortunately on the surface, most of the time he's a jerk. He only acts this way toward me, my mom, and my sister. To outsiders he's always the perfect mannerly Southern "good ol' boy" meets computer nerd. To us, he's loud, hurtful, disrespectful, threatening, border-line abusive. He has anger issues I know, probably from our absent father, my mother's mental illness the last 10 years, and who knows what else. So many times he has crossed the line, so many times he's deserved to be kicked out of my mom's house (he's 22, not a little kid) and yet excuses are made for his behavior, we tiptoe around him, hoping for a "good" day, where he actually smiles and makes friendly jokes.

I am sick of it. I'm sick of watching it, and I'm sick of the way he acts toward me. I won't go into the whole long story (this post is long and whiney enough) but he has been very hurtful to me over the last week, and I think I'm even more sensitive because Joe's 1-year is coming up. I wanted my mom to tell him it wasn't right, it wasn't acceptable. She made a half-hearted attempt ("Don't be like that...") I wanted my sister to be pissed off for me. Instead, she acts like everything is fine, goes out of her way to do favors for him, etc. I confronted her about it, she says "Just because you're mad doesn't mean I have to be."

I'm not saying I'm perfect (I know I'm not), but I'm a pretty good kid. I am respectful toward my mom, I help her when I can, clean up after myself when I'm visiting, take her to lunch, etc. I'm the same way to my sister. Why can't they be on MY side?

I was thinking this morning, I bet Joe would have been on my side. But actually, he's made excuses for my brother before ("He has anger issues, didn't have a father, etc.") so I really don't know how he would have seen it. I feel guilty for even taking up cyberspace with me whining about it, but I just want to stomp my foot and say

IT'S NOT FAIR!!!