I welcomed in 2008 by watching "Waiting to Exhale," eating butterscotch pudding, and a long crying spell. I decided to stay home with the critters rather than deal with family stuff, and I didn't want to be driving among all the drunks to come home, so, this is the first NYE I've ever been alone. It's a weird feeling.
In a way, I'm glad 2007 is over. It's been a really shitty year. Andrea died, I got in a very minor wreck, I herniated a disc in my neck (not because of the wreck), Joe died (by far the worst thing to happen), Dennis's father died, Mom's dog has been having health problems and looks like he may be on his last leg. Work has been shitty. I've quit then come back, we'll see how that works out. I've been trying to date again, with basically no luck. Rejection and low self esteem all over again. All that bad stuff, I'm ready to put behind me.
On the other hand, I'm surprised to discover I feel like I'm really leaving Joe behind. I don't know why that didn't hit me before. There were plenty of important moments that he wasn't there for - holidays, etc. - but it really hit home last night/early this morning. He never saw 2008. He'll forever been 37 and 1/2 years old. One day, I'll be older than him. That's really depressing. We had our share of problems (and then some) but by God we loved each other. I would take all our problems to have him back. I hope he knows that. I'm getting teary again so I think I'll end this soon.
Here's to the New Year. May it bring peace and joy, and more pleasant memories than bad.
I love you, Joe.
Love,
Me
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