Today (well, technically yesterday) was All Souls' Day. It's also approximately 3.5 months since Joe died. First thing today I gave my notice at work. I was really nervous but I needed to do it. I need a break, some time to deal with the house, with getting ready for school, etc. My boss took it pretty well. I offered to work flexible part time after the 2 weeks, but it sounds like he's going to want to hire someone full time, which is fine with me. It's really a toxic workplace, so the sooner I cut ties, the better for me, I think.
This evening was a special All Souls' Mass at St. Joseph's. It was held at dusk in the cemetery, was candlelit and was really nice. Mom and Jenny went with me, which was nice of them. The most memorable thing about the Mass was one of the ladies in the row ahead put her still burning candle down on the ground to burn out. It smoldered for a while and then started catching the surrounding paper and grass on fire. I couldn't stop watching it for several minutes, worrying I or someone would have to run up to that row and stomp out the flames. Eventually it burned itself out but goodness! Of course the niche for Joe's ashes is not ready yet, so I brought the ashes to the service and waited while Fr. Anthony blessed all the graves. I was expecting something a little more...personalized I guess, but all he did was wave the incense around and then flick the holy water around. At one point he flicked and I ended up with holy water in my eye, but hey, of all the things to get in one's eye, I'll take the holy water!
This week has been wrought with antsy-ness (if that's a word) and anxiety for me as I wait for calls or emails from this guy (Dave) I've been talking to. I prayed tonight that he really was interested in me and that he would call soon, and lo and behold, a few minutes after I got done praying, he called! It was almost midnight but he called to talk. We ended up talking for 2.5 hours, amazingly. Conversation ranged from chit chat about favorite vacation spots, to some naughty talk, to deeper topics like him growing up with a raging alcoholic for a father. He definitely has a lot of emotions he's dealing with, but who wouldn't be under those circumstances? I'm finding myself really, really liking this guy. I'm trying not to let it get too crazy, because I know I will be hurt so badly when it (whatever this is) ends, but it's hard not to be swept off my feet. In terms of values and all, we are so incredibly well matched. I've seen a lot of his pics, and I think he's HOT!!! He's seen 2 or 3 of mine and says I'm cute, but I need to send full-length shots. He says weight really doesn't bother him, which is nice and all of him, but I still deal with a lot of self-consciousness. I need to project confidence though. Need to work on that. That, and finding some sexy outfits to take some pictures! He said he'll call me later, I hope that means soon.
Tomorrow (well, really today since it's almost 3am) is Saturday and when I wake up I need to work on getting the house in order. It's a huge mess, and I will feel so much better when it's done. So, lots of prayers for Joe today, and no tears. Plus a very nice conversation with a cool guy. Overall I'd say today was very good.
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2 comments:
you found your husband passed away 3 and half months ago ( back when this was posted) and you was already praying for another man to like you and speaking "naughty" to him? did you do this to cover your pain? just wondering I always wondered what it was and why some moved on so soon. No judging just wondering
I'm not really sure. I've been very motivated to find someone to have children with. I do think I started looking way too soon, but I guess that was my way of coping.
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