Friday, 1/6/06, my husband called me at work to say, this is it. He has to start dialysis. It had been a waiting game for the many months in the past. He's diabetic and was told his kidney function was way below normal. His nephrologist (kidney doctor) said it was a matter of time and the goal was to make his failing kidneys last as long as possible. I thought it would at least be several years before we had to deal with this. My husband has been in and out of the nephrologist's office for the last month doing labs after labs, trying to figure out what was going on. Well, what's going on is his kidneys are crap and now the fun with dialysis begins.
After he called me, he went to the hospital and had an outpatient procedure to place a catheter in his neck that will be used for the dialysis until a more permanent plan is formed. The doctor didn't tell him he would be completely asleep for the procedure and would not be able to drive home, so I didn't leave work as we both assumed it would be quick and simple. Joe ended up having to call my mom to pick him up after the surgery. Thank God for her. He now has tubes sticking out of his neck that hurt him by pulling on the sutures sticking through his skin. He seems to be handling this OK so far, but the dialysis hasn't started yet.
How am I feeling? I'm scared. I'm freaking out. I'm spending -every- waking minute on the internet trying to find out more information about what to expect. I feel like I can't really tell Joe how scared I am because I don't want to stress him out or scare him unnecessarily. I've always thought that once he has a transplant he'll be OK. I didn't realize that he'll have to be on anti-rejection drugs for the rest of his life (or however long the kidney lasts). I didn't realize that the average life expectancy for dialysis patients is 5-10 years after starting dialysis. Granted this average is thrown way off by the many very old people that start treatments, but I am in no way ready for him to die. Die. What a horrible thought. I find myself tearing up several times a day now. I don't want him to die. We want to buy a house and live there forever with our many kids and dogs. We want to have kids, and I don't know if we can anymore. What happens if he can't work anymore? I can't support us and our dreams on 8.5o an hour. How selfish of me to even worry about that when he could DIE. All of my "plans" are changing. I'm re-evaluating everything. No longer is it important to live in a big house on 20 acres with my farm animals. Now I just want him to live a long and happy life -with me-. I stupidly didn't think things were this serious.
We are going to call his doctor tomorrow morning to see what the game plan is. I'll update after that.
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