Lots of ups and downs with G. When I'm with him, all is well. I feel so happy, so fucking happy, I could cry. When I'm not with him and talk to my friends about the possibility he's not for real, I feel so worthless. I want to be strong and only focus on the positive, but I can't. I have been hurt so many times, I feel like I'm not worth being loved for who I am. I feel like no one will be happy with me the way I am. With G, I won't even know for sure for probably 3 years, until the magic date comes and goes. How can I survive 3 years worrying about whether I have a divorce in my future? On the other hand, with 50% of marriages ending in divorce, I have just as good of a chance with someone else that I'll be divorced. I hate this. I left him last night telling myself I would have no more doubts. I would commit to this and ride the ups and downs and hope for the best. Today, I feel my time to have a family is slipping away. I feel like such a failure.
Edit: I just read the title of my blog again - No promise for tomorrow. This statement has rung true for me time and time again. We are not promised happiness. We can not count on it, because it will be ripped away by death or some other force. I should enjoy the time I have now. I could be dead in 3 years anyway, and wouldn't I regret missing out on some joy with him? I'm still really confused.
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Hi – I’m Andrea from the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation (www.sslf.org). We are interested in adding your blog to the blog roll on the resource page of our website. Please email me at andrear@sslf.org to let me know the best way to contact you so we can discuss the possibility of adding your blog. Thank you so much!
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