Low point

I haven't written in months, haven't really felt like I needed to. I've been busy with nursing school, now about 3 months in. I hate it. Really, really hate it. I don't like anything about it, and I don't like the little bit of nursing care they've let us do. I am really afraid I'm going in the wrong direction, but I don't have many options left at this point. But I'm miserable.

Crazy Tony is done and over with, months ago. I really do think he's mentally unwell. It ended with him calling me a slut. He never did touch me, didn't even get that kiss. What a waste of time and effort on him.

I've been dating someone new, Cowboy, for about a month. I think that's about over. It started off lightening fast, very intense, and has slowed down dramatically. I think he might be gay, or bisexual. In addition I think he's bored with me. Kind of ironic, since I've been very patient and understanding that he has no car, no money, drinks too much, and the only time we go anywhere is the 3 times I've suggested the beach since it's free (and I drive us). Why am I dating someone with no car, no money, and drinks too much? Because apparently I'm desperate. I think I can admit that I am feeling desperate right now.

I have been crying the past couple of days, which is very much unlike me. I tried to talk to my mom and sister about the school situation, but they are not very sympathetic. My sister tells me I've gotten myself into this situation so she doesn't feel bad for me. I've talked to a friend of mine about Cowboy and school and how I am depressed in general, and she tells me to snap out of it, that I need to be happy and no guy wants someone who is depressed. I guess I should just give up now, right? Right.

That same friend said I talk like I am cursed, doomed. Yeah, that's what it feels like. I am doomed to never have a normal relationship, they've all got to be fucked up in some weird way. Not like everyone has problems, petty arguments, money troubles, whatever. No, my relationships get to be special. Maybe that's my fault for the guys I choose, but then again, these are the guys that I come across. So I throw that back on bad luck (or my "curse").

I don't have anything good to post right now. I'm just hoping it helps to get some of this out.